


If you hurt me, that’s okay

by uwukathie



Series: Evan Buckley’s stories [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Bobby and Eddie are protective, Bobby is basically Buck’s dad, Child Abuse, Dad Bobby Nash, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Doug is mentioned, M/M, Past Abuse, the Buckley’s parents are terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 06:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21405646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwukathie/pseuds/uwukathie
Summary: Buck finally comes out to the fire squad, aswell as admitting his feelings to Eddie. But Eddie just can’t figure out why he refuses to post anything about the two online. But when Eddie accidentally tags Buck in a photo he discovers why Buck was so secretive over Facebook.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Evan Buckley’s stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544404
Comments: 20
Kudos: 787





	If you hurt me, that’s okay

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning! This will include discussions of past child abuse, as well as abuse of Buck in present day. And a couple of homophobic slurs. Please proceed with caution and stay safe

Eddie smiles down at his phone, turning it to show Buck and Christopher the photo. In the photo the three of them are all sticking their tongues out, eyes squinted in the sun. The two grin widely, Christopher letting out a warm giggle.

“Perfect for Facebook, I think.” Eddie tells the two, Christopher nods enthusiastically but Buck’s smile slides off his face.

“Facebook?” Buck asks quietly. Eddie’s eyebrows furrow.

“What? Too old school? Am I showing my age?” Christopher giggles, completely unaware of the way Buck has tensed. But when Buck barely cracks a smile Eddie realizes somethings going on.

“Just.” Buck pauses, licking his lips. “Don’t tag me.”

Eddie feels completely lost, but just nods anyway. He’ll ask later.

-

The next time Eddie mentions posting something to Facebook it’s a selfie of the two on a date. They decided to spend their day off hiking up a small mountain, and once they reached the top Buck insisted on taking a photo. 

Buck had wrapped his arms around Eddie, planting a kiss right on Eddie’s cheek. Eddie’s face is flushed from the hike and the kiss, but his smile is nearly ear to ear. Eddie can’t help but be excited to show it off online.

While the two are sitting on some rocks eating granola bars, Eddie fiddles around with the post.

“What should I caption this?” Eddie asks. Buck seems lost in thought for a second. Before grinning “Stared at this one’s butt for a whole day!”

Eddie laughs with Buck, but mostly watches as Buck gets way too caught up in his own joke. Once Buck finally catches his breath Eddie shakes his head. “That would be good for instagram, but my family will see it on Facebook.”

Buck’s warm smile disappears. “Oh. You’re posting it on Facebook?”

Eddie is again stunned by how quickly Buck’s emotions can change. But he nods “I was going to..?”

Buck nods “Okay. Just don’t tag me.”

Eddie is about to ask why but Buck says “The sun is gonna set while we’re hiking if we don’t get going!” And jumps up, grabbing Eddie’s hand to pull him up aswell. And Eddie’s question gets lost as the two pack up all their gear.

-

“How does this taste?” Buck calls. Eddie walks into the kitchen of their apartment to see Buck is practicing the cooking Bobby has been teaching him. 

Eddie obediently takes a bite from the spoon Buck offers him. Pausing in thought before grinning at Buck. “Best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Buck smiles “Well. It was made with love.”

“Hmm. I think that’s why it’s so good.”

“Oh, not my amazing talents as a chef?” Buck stirs in the pan. Not looking up as he focuses on cooking it just right.

Eddie laughs. Sitting on the barstool. He watches Buck and thinks about how amazing he is. And how amazing he looks, taking time out of his day to prepare a dinner for Eddie and Christopher for no reason other than making them happy.

Buck begins to hum softly. And Eddie almost melts.

He picks up his phone from the counter, deciding to take a quick candid shot of him. The lighting is just right in his kitchen. Perfect for making Buck’s muscles pop. 

He silently starts a post on Facebook. Giggling the whole time. Buck eventually peers over, once he’s turned the stove off. 

“What?” He asks. Still humming as he looks over Eddie’s shoulder. He goes silent when he sees it. And Eddie is afraid he’s mad.

“What? I thought it would be sweet but I don’t have to post it..”

“No, no! It’s okay. Just. Don’t tag me.” Buck reminds him. Before Eddie can ask why the oven dings and Buck chirps “Lasagna!”

-

Eventually, Eddie gets used to not tagging Buck on Facebook. Every picture of the pair, or them and Christopher, is left without tags. Eddie still doesn’t understand why, and occasionally he wonders if Buck is ashamed of him somehow. But Buck is so affectionate. Not afraid to plant a kiss on him in any public location. And Buck will happily let him post a photo on Instagram. Eddie eventually just assumes it’s because his “fans” from when he was on the news see it on Facebook. But their instagrams are private.

But when the station takes a group photo, all gathered around the dinner table like a family, with huge smiles. Eddie can’t help but share it on Facebook.

He captions it “Family dinner!” And begins tagging every face in the photo. 

It doesn’t even register to Eddie, as he tags everyone else, to leave Buck out.

He smiles as the photo posts. In the photo he can just barely see his and Buck’s legs touching, his hand on Buck’s knee. 

-

Eddie is beside Chimney, the two washing down trucks in the garage, when a couple walk in.

Chimney greets the pair, leaving his sponge behind to speak with them.

“Where is Evan?” The woman says loudly. Eddie turns around at that. Wondering how they could know Buck. Chimney’s eyebrows are furrowed as he says “Buck? He’s around here somewhere I think.”

The man with her, taller than Buck but much less muscular, looks around the station. But when his eyes meet Eddie he stands up straighter. “You.”

Eddie sits his sponge into the bucket. Walking up to meet the pair. The woman appears upset. Eyes red. But the man is just angry. His fists clench was Eddie gets closer, so Eddie pauses. “Can I help you?”

The man snarls at Eddie “You can’t.” 

“We just need to see Evan.” The woman tells Chimney, not even looking at Eddie. 

The tension is broken slightly when Bobby comes around a truck. “Is there a problem here?” He asks. Chimney and Eddie step back.

“We need to see Evan.” The woman says again. 

“Can I know why?” Bobby asks. The two huff. But before they can answer there’s a soft “Mom? Nick?” From the locker room door.

“Oh! Evan!” Bucks Mom calls. The man simply stalks up to him, grabbing his wrist.

“We need to speak with you Evan. Where can we talk in private?” Nick grumbles. Eddie can’t help but feel his stomach tie in knots. He can feel the anger radiating off the man.

“I don’t know if-“ Bobby starts. But before he can finish Nick starts dragging Buck out by his wrist. 

“He’s my son. I can talk to him if I need to.” Buck’s father insists. He lets go of Buck’s wrist and instead places a hand on his back.

The rest of the squad watch, baffled, as Buck is led away by his father, his mother walking quickly behind them.

-

Buck can feel his heart racing. It’s the middle of November currently, no holiday or any reason for his family to be visiting. As Buck is taken outside he feels like an animal being taken to be slaughtered. His stepfather is no longer holding his arm but the hand on his back tells him he won’t be getting out of this.

“What’s going on? Nick?” He asks. Nick finally stops when they are behind the building. Far from any people to see or hear.

“We told you. We expect you to refer to him as your father.” His mother says. Nick nods before turning back to Buck.

“Evan. What is the meaning of this?” Nick shouts, and Buck rethinks being far enough away for no one to hear.

“Meaning of what? What happened?” 

Buck’s mother pulls out her phone. She scrolls through it for a moment before her eyes darken and she shows Buck. On her screen is a photo of him and Eddie, from their hike. Buck feels his face burn, and his jaw go slack.

“Evan. I thought you were past this!” She says, Buck remains speechless.

“I can’t believe this. He leaves us and goes to become a queer!” Nick growls. He curls his hands into fists in Buck’s shirt, using it to shove him into the wall. Buck’s mother just watches and shakes her head in dissapointment.

“The hell were you thinking, boy?” He shouts, shoving Buck harder against the wall. Buck whimpers, eyes squeezing shut.

“You’re lucky I didn’t beat some sense into your little boyfriend!” He tells him. Buck turns his head away from the shouts, holding back tears.

“Look at me!” His father demands, Buck just keeps his eyes shut, face turned as far away from his father as possible. “I told you to look at me!” He repeats, letting go of his shirt with one hand and using it to grab Buck’s jaw and turn his head.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Buck says quietly. He opens his eyes to see Nick’s face is red with anger. The man lets him go. Stepping back.

“You better be. You’re coming home.”

Buck’s eyes shoot open, looking between his mother and stepfather. “What? No!” 

“Excuse me?” His stepfather demands “What did you say to me?”

“I’m not going home! I have a whole life, a whole job here.” Buck says, pointing at the building.

“I said you are going home!” His stepfather shouts, his hand suddenly coming up to smack Buck across the face.

Buck stumbles back at the hit. Tears spilling out of his eyes before he can control them. Nick sees them and laughs. “Can’t even keep from crying. How did we think he wouldn’t end up being gay!” 

His mother just shakes her head again.

“Get up. You are going to grab your things and we are going to go home!”

Buck takes a deep breath. “I said I won’t.”

His stepfather laughs again. Evan begins to walk away but Nick shoved him to the ground. Buck groans as his face hits the ground, and he feels the skin of his cheek start bleeding.

Nick is about to kick Buck’s side when there’s a shout from around the corner. Then Bobby and Eddie rush in. Bobby immediately shoves Nick down, holding him against the ground and shouting. But Eddie kneels down to Buck, helping him sit up.

“This is a private discussion!” Buck’s mother shouts. Eddie looks up at her in disbelief but doesn’t say anything to her as he radioes into the building. 

“Hen, Chim. Call Maddie and Athena. Tell them there was an incident with Buck’s family.”

Buck hides his face in his hands as Bobby leads Nick away, Nick’s wife following behind easily. Shouting for Bobby to let him go.

“Buck, dear, what is going on?” He asks, swiping his thumb under Buck’s eyes where tears are staring to spill out.

“Nobody was ever supposed to see.. nobody was ever supposed to see us like that. I can’t believe someone saw it.” Buck cries. Eddie pulls Buck into a hug, and Buck rests his head on his shoulder and squeezes the back of his uniform shirt in his hands.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry your parents would treat you that way, you do not deserve that Buckley.”

Buck just squeezes his shirt tighter.

-

“Buck?” Maddie asks. Athena has long since stopped by to arrest Nick. His wife following behind him and not even bothering to check on her son.

Buck is sitting on the couch, Eddie beside him with an arm around his shoulders. The rest of the squad are seated in chairs around them. Buck turns around and smiles sadly at her.

“What happened to your face?” Maddie asks, sitting beside Buck. “And did Mom say something?” 

Buck rubs a hand over his face. Eddie wants to jump in and explain but Hen catches eye contact with him and shakes her head.

“No. It was Nick.”

“Nick? Did Nick.. hit you?” Maddie says, eyes wide as she puts the pieces together. “Buck, I knew you didn’t like him but I didn’t know he would... has he done this before?”

“You don’t know?” Chimney asks, Maddie avoids making eye contact but shakes her head.

“It was after she moved out. For college. I was 12, and Mom got married to Nick.” Buck starts. Maddie rubs his shoulder when he clearly starts to get choked up.

“Mom was always... Absent. And Dad left when we were babies. But Mom never hit me. Then Nick came and he started hitting me and even though she wouldn’t do it.. she didn’t stop it either.” Buck pauses. Burying his face in his hands. Bobby sighs sadly and resists the urge to hug Buck and never let him go.

“I can’t believe you never told me, Buck.” Maddie says, her own tears have started running down her face.

“You- You had a life. You had Doug. And I thought you were safer with him. I could barely escape, I didn’t want you to be trapped too.” Buck tells her. Maddie turns away for a moment to cry silently, but she nods for him to keep going.

“Well. He kept beating me. Especially when I came out as bi. For as long as I lived there. Well into my twenties. I tried and tried to get a job and move out. But they kept me one way or another. Forcing me to help with bills, not allowing me to take a higher paying job, things like that. Eventually I saved up as much money as I could, packed my things, and just left. Moved to LA.”

The group nodded along to his story. Buck dried his tears on his sleeve, and continued. “They must’ve found photos of me and Eddie. As I said they were very upset about me being bisexual.”

Eddie feels his face drop. He can’t believe he put his boyfriend, the love of his life, through that. “I’m so sorry Buck, I must’ve accidentally tagged you. I didn’t know that-“

“No, Eddie. I should’ve told you. I’ve just.” Buck pauses again. Rubbing a hand through his hair. “I’ve kept this a secret for so long.”

Bobby pipes in this time “I know how that is, Buck. But as a wise young man once told me. Maybe ask for help sometimes.”

Buck peers at Bobby, face downward but looking through his eyelashes.

“Well. Help.” He says. His breath catches, and the tears keep flowing. His family all stand up to come closer, kneeling beside him and placing comforting hands on his arms.

“We’re here for you, bud. Through whatever comes next. If you want to take this to court, we will support you every step of the way.” Chimney tells him. They all nod supportively. 

“We know I’m good at taking things to court.” Buck says. He knows it’s still a weak point for the family but when has Buck ever been afraid of a weak point.

They all laugh. Sniffling slightly. Maddie rolls her eyes as she gives him a hug. “Ev, I swear you’re gonna give me so many grays!” She says. Buck giggles along with them.

“Buckley.” The group turn around to see Athena in the door. She looks stern as ever. Buck stands up to meet her, feeling slightly intimidated. But she just grabs him and hugs him warmly. Buck goes boneless in her arms, relaxing completely in the real, motherly hug she gives him.

Athena backs up, hands still on his shoulders. “You’ll need to come down to the station to make a statement.” She says. He nods at her. Then turns back to the squad. “Thank you.” He says simply. He dries his eyes one last time and follows her. Maddie and Eddie following close behind.

-

As soon as Buck comes out of the interview room Eddie is up, walking to him and pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you.” Eddie says, buck just nods.

Eddie pulls away. And all the guilt he’s been mulling over since he found out his photo was the reason for buck being hurt comes spilling over.

He holds back tears as he says, quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

Buck shakes his head “Why?” 

“It’s my fault. Even though I didn’t know why, I knew you wanted me to be careful with what I posted online.”

Buck shakes his head, that warm smile that Eddie has grown to love coming to his face. “Eddie. This is not your fault. I could never blame you.”

Eddie feels a surge of relief at hearing that. But he knows that despite what Buck says, Eddie will spend a long time trying to make it up to him.

“I love you so much, Evan Buckley. You are incredible.”

Buck smiles.

“Hey. Think you could go and tag me in all those pictures now?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is very unedited at the moment so I apologize if it’s uh. A bit rough around the edges. But I would love to hear what you think, and constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
